I am beautiful from the strong curve of my hips to the soft design of my shaved head
I wonder if the power I hold is strong enough to make you feel amazed
I hear the cries of resilience from my siblings as we stand risen against systemic oppression
I see a parent learning from their child brave and marching on without fear
I want everyone to be unscathed as we heal in solidarity and the beauty of compassion
I am a child and the craved verity in a culture of falsehood
I pretend to restore but I’ve learned to transform
I feel the warm love of generations full of caring
I touch the storm of truth that liberation is
I worry about the application of norms and binaries we are so obsessed with
I cry in transformation as we reform the role of a woman in today’s culture
I am the political platform of humanity as are you, we are the people we are the power
I understand the beauty of voice and the passion that runs within my whole being
I say with ashen sorrows that our system is deceitful
I dream of the compassion that I know lives within us
I try to nurture my reactions into empowerment of people
I hope you join me and take action
I am human attraction
What the fuck
What the fuck. As I sit down to write, I am lost in the foundness of profound being. Trying to figure out what this is for. why do I have to be all that you ask of me. Why cant I be left alone, to live my life and my journey. Why am I lost in your pool of positions. In your pool of patriarchy, telling me I can be anything I want. Then saying I am not good enough, my passions aren't the right path. As the sky ashens I wonder what the grey means. If life really is black and white. What is an illusion, what is reality. What does resolution mean. Can I find the right path, and be the right person. How do I earn the respect I need, to make you accept me, in fear of judgement. What can I do, to lose the chaos. The chaos of living up to my name, living up to your definition of success. finding my way through the struggle of your assessment of my being. Why should I be your dream. When I have my own dream. Feeling your disagreeing energy, when I chose to express my opinion. Screaming under the tears of my aspirations. That can and will go nowhere, and now here. Asking for donations for your capitalist cooperation, to help me find myself. When I am riddin with disease, and labels. That are perceptions you push upon me. Through diagnoses, that you can and will choose to describe in your words. Why not write me a prescription, that will cure the reflection and reaction I bring up in you. Subscripting to your section of awareness. you choose to put your image in my mirror. Making it clearer, that my problem is something you cannot handle. as you watch me burn. Starting with the spark of the light of my candle. Lit in the honor of my loved one, passing away into dust. Glassing over the harassment of emotional abuse. Dismissed because the physical is all that matters. The emotional devotion is a waste of time. That will end in national depression, questioning sessions of conversation. Wondering if it's just a circle going nowhere. Lost in the elation of adoration of fake identity. Plastic unreal covers of emotion and being. What the fuck. Am I not fuckable enough for you am I not capable because of the roles assigned in society. That are stricter and realer then intuition. As you reap my being you claim as your harvest. Even if I pushed my hardest to not be your fantastic, drastic, radical, definition of me. As you casually pretend capitalism is not cannibalistic, to the flesh of my soul. Instead you claim it is the medical solution. you need my life as support to feed me. So I can transform into your magical ideal of the human mind and being. What the fuck.
Lacking respect and forgiveness for you that I love. In this situation I love and appreciate you, but I feel lost and hurt by certain actions you have taken to protect yourself and hide from growth.
I am so fucking stuck. Why do you hide and run away? I am here for you. Speak to me. Help me, help me to provide you with the support you so desire, and help me to meet your needs. How can I forgive you when you prevent the community’s growth: inhibit their space to respect and love you. You feel violated, I feel violated, I feel as though the sage has blown away in the summer breeze. I want to hide in a little hole because I feel un-whole and stuck. I feel stuck and I don’t know know how to express it. I don’t know how to process this or grieve. I feel as though someone has closed a door and shut the window, blocked out the light, and, hidden from the growth of the dark in the complex beauty of nothing. You are beautiful, but you stab at my heart, you stab at my being with sharper than knives, with the hurt you have spread upon me. In a way my mindset cannot comprehend. Is this productive or constructive? It’s ripping at the very edge of my essence and soul. I feel as though my efforts are nothing. All that I strive for, all that I aspire to, you have cut off and shut down. I would rather go into a little cave on an island and never leave, because the trust I have is for me, and finding trust in you is like reflecting the way family abandoned family, disownment from another life. I can barely take this. I feel like a guilty prisoner. I feel as though I have murdered what I respect. How have I failed you? I failed me, I cannot understand your hurt as you cannot understand mine. Talk to me, please express to me how you feel.